Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Meanings, Waiting, and some thoughts

I like to know what my kids names mean. So I thought I would share.
Ananya's name means matchless, incomparable and Sophia means wisdom. It is so true. Ananya is like nothing else. She is horribly spoiled by everyone, even complete strangers. It takes all of 2 seconds and she has new friends wrapped around her finger.
Anthony is named for his great-grandfather Ambrosy. I never got to meet him, but have heard such wonderful things from everyone about him. Joseph, his middle name, means "he will add". I have always thought Anthony will do something great.
Prasun doesn't have a middle name yet, we just can't decide. I'm sure it will come to us. Prasun means flower or bloom. He already brings God's glory and beauty to our world. I'm positive that can only increase.
I'm so not good at waiting. Several times in the last months, I've had to remind myself again and again that God has a glorious plan. His plans are much better than mine. They have brought me a wonderful husband and 3 beautiful children. The circumstances have never been my planning. 4 of the most important people have come into my life when I'm expecting it the least. I am so thankful that I've been blessed.
So far this adoption has been a little easier. I know the process. I know mostly what to expect. The emotions surprise me though. Everyday can be a battle if I let it. This morning I can't stop crying because I want my son. I regret that I didn't tell him I love him when I had the chance. I'm having a hard time forgiving myself for not knowing completely that he was my son. I know that God was working on my heart. That this had to be 2 adoptions. Ananya needed time home. She, in my opinion, would have had adjustment problems coming home any later. I just hate that I have to wait. I pray that everyone that touches our paperwork is filled with need to hurry. I also know that Prasun is fine. He is so loved and taken care of now. I know the day he leaves there will be many tears. The Ayahs care for the children so well. They love them. They are trying to prepare him for the change. Telling him about a family. Showing him our pictures. Mommy, Daddy, Brother, Sister. All in an album that starts with his picture.

I want to tell you I love you. Everyday I think of you and miss holding you. My arms ache for the day you'll be with me, and your dad and brother and sister. It is coming soon. Know that God has a great plan for you. He is keeping you in His heart always and will hold your hand until the day that I'm there. I'll pray for your transition into our home. That God puts our family into your heart as He has put you into ours. I don't want you to be scared. Many things will change in your life very quickly. Know that your Daddy and I are here and won't leave your side until you are ready. We will do everything we can to help you. Your brother will teach you so much throughout your life as he does with Ananya. Remember your sister loves you, even if she hits you. You have many people praying for you everyday. You have touch many families already. I love you baby. I'll be there soon. Until then, I love you will my entire heart, across the ocean. You are my son.

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