Thursday, July 17, 2008

The Hardest Part About Waiting...

can be the dreaming. It really can be. In the first hours after you wake up, its so fresh. Its like having held your baby and then not being able t o touch them. It can make your day happy and sad at the same time.
While waiting for Ananya, I think I dreamt about her 5 or 6 times. It was always great to see her moving around, even if it was just in my brain. I knew it wasn't real but it was good enough at the moment. It did make me miss her more though. I did have a dream one time that we were waiting and some how ended up with a 4 year old girl with us in a crisis situation. I didn't have anything for her of course. I didn't have much money to buy her stuff either because we were tied up with Ananya's adoption. Is that not funny?
I dreamt about Prasun last night. Its the first time. I don't know if I just haven't dreamt about him because I have held him. I know he's real. I know what it will feel like in a couple months when I'm in India and holding him. I remember what it feels like, what it smells like, how tiring it can be. I'm excited. He's going to be home soon. He's going to be in his bed, in his highchair (after I buy one), and most importantly in my arm (I only have one, Ananya has sole custody of one at all times). I'm going to be tired. I'm going to be happy to not be at work. Most importantly, I'm going to be a mom to my 3 babies. I kind of wish that 4 and 5 came with him. I'm sure I'll have my handful (maybe Ananya will even give me my arm back sometime).
The pictures from my last post were the inspiration for my dream. He was walking around. He was smiling. Guess what, I kept forgetting to do things for 1 of the kids. Like feeding them. I wasn't doing too good multitasking. I'm sure I'll do better in real life. It'll be ok. I don't know why I'm not dreaming of not being ready. Being in India without baby clothes or something. At this point, I think that would be way more likely. Oh well.
I'm going to go feed the child that I do have right now before she starts a riot.

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